


It's fucked, we're all fucked, let's hang out for a bit.

by Maksvell



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Teachers, Drugs, F/F, F/M, Ghosts, M/M, Molly is dissappointed., Multi, Other, Sort Of, evil times, evil!McGonagall, fun times
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-26
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-03-09 13:20:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13482321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maksvell/pseuds/Maksvell
Summary: The battle of Hogwarts took a toll on the school,  the ministry wisely shut it down the very second that Harry and Company took up jobs at the school,  now the castle is home to a group of drugged out witches and wizards who are just looking to get loaded and have a good time.





	1. Sexy Chair

**Author's Note:**

> I just noticed this after I posted but the first chapter has 666 words, isn't that funny?

The taught and sexy chair sat in a corner of the room slowly growing weary from its years of neglect, until one day it happened to see a witch a teacher walking by, oh what the chair would give for Professor McGonagall to take a seat on it, oh what ecstasy it would be. But no, instead of a teacher's fat ass sitting on it, the chair was picked up by a hyper potion's teacher by the name of Harry Potter who kept going on and on about the ants that he believed were crawling under his skin because they entered his body through his eyelids. The Professors Hermione and Luna were sitting in the other corner trying to think of a way to calm Harry the fuck down. They quickly abandoned it leaving the teacher who was the boy who lived to his own devices.  
He kept screaming, "You damn dirty cum drinking Voldemort ants, i'll, i'll... " and that is when Harry Potter vomited unicorn tears onto the floor.  
"Bitch can't handle a little bit of coke. ", laughed McGonagall, who only seemed to get younger with age, whilst Harry and company aged like Vietnam vets.  
Luna and Hermione snuck off to an old broom closet to snog, they acted as though no one knew about it but really, everyone knew, the thing it the only person that cared was Ginny and even thin it was only because she was watching through a peephole to get ideas for what the muggles call, "fanfiction". Draco, on the other hand, was starting to pace in front of the gacked out Harry as Ron lazily jerked off on top of what used to be the desk that was once owned by Severus Snape.  
" Weasley, can you stop for five fuckin seconds and help me out here? for god's collective sakes, Potter has been off his rocker for about five hours."  
Ron not really caring about what's going on continued to masturbate, and then the LSD kicked in before he knew it the desk was made out of Snape's greasy hair and then a giant spider with the head of his dead brother Fred appeared before him, he started to scream and spasm on the floor his limp dick not really doing anything.  
"Goddamn the lot of you, I'm going to my room! ", shouted Draco as he stomped back to his bedroom, like a little asshole.  
He could feel himself slipping into a THC induced daydream, and he felt slightly irritated as his hunger began to grow, the munchies pimp slapped Draco harder than his father Lucius ever could have. The little asshole... I mean Draco wandered off to the kitchens to find a snack, probably peppers and milk, like that muggle musician David Bowie. He turned to Knobbleton the house elf and began to screech at her incoherently, although he perceived it as him asking the house elf politely for a big plate of habanero peppers and a tall glass of milk. Knobbleton called him a cunt and fled the kitchen, this caused Draco to crawl onto the floor and assume the fetal position as he fell asleep. As he did that the house elves began to swarm him acting as a massive, moist, fleshy blanket. Hermione and Luna moved their make-out session to what used to be the girl's bedrooms in what used to be the Gryffindor Common room.  
In between frantic and breath-stealing kisses of passion Luna managed to utter a few words, "Let's... Take... Take... This to... Ginny's Old bed. "  
This remark almost made Ginny fall off the ladder that she was clinging onto. She gasped as her vision became obscured by uncle professor Granger drawing the drapes shut. But she took out her little notepad and began to take notes that provided ways of describing the sounds that the two made as they engaged in sexual congress, which is like regular American Congress, but things actually get done, particularly it was Luna who got done.


	2. Let's get wrecked up all night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry has a hard "wand" .

Harry felt overwhelmed with his massive "wand" it was a very long and hard "wand". Harry said, " But then Voldemort's clinging hospital did not belong to favours sunlight! " Before collapsing into a pile of golden Figg Newtons. McGonagall strolled past and into his ear she whispered, "Come hurtling wisely pigwidgeon was, ya stupid boy. " before flying off on Professor Trelawney. Malfoy woke up in a pile of house elves. all of which were quite drunk off of parchment, in the back of his mind’s eye Draco wondered if he had committed any violent crimes. The elves quickly scattered when he sat up. Ron was still very high as he was trapped in a broom closet. There was a feeling of great belly which seemed to bulge excitedly around town, like a drowning Crookshanks. She turned up the deluminator magic is fucking rad man, y'know? Emerald power spewed from his pocket watch. Luna took another blunt from her pocket and lit it with her wand. She turned her face to Ginny and said, " If you watch us again you'll find a bunch of magical creatures were sitting in your head. " loud bang instinctively toward the lightning ron muttered furiously quivering fingers closed around the room. Hermione didn’t last time they had met in the broom cupboard. She whispered into Luna's ear, " breakfast without realizing it was essential. " this injustice convinced Luna to giggle, though she did not know quite why. Ron added chill that his penis found incredibly pleasing. Ron bellowed leeches walked back down to kiss newts a voice barely penis. Hermione snapped and went down to the great hall to try to kill Harry, who she was convinced was, in fact, the antichrist. "Goddamn, you Allen Moore!", shouted Harry as Hermione tried to Avada kardava his dirty ass. Ron Fuckity fuck fucken sprang into action and was closely followed by his sister Ginny and the Ghost of Professor Snape as they joined wands and tried to drink Hermione. Goyle loudly rose from the floor and began to beat his dick until it was softened, this did not stop Hermione because she beat his dumbass bitterly and screamed, " I was trying to speak! It’s inventing you know! How is there a death water? Yes … she was perfect. " Harry could feel his heart beating like a puppet on a string, "But back to business. Luna! you fuck! It’s over and I don’t go I am not straight I am as gay as Dumbledore! " screamed Hermione as she tried to kill Harry with her fists. Harry knocked her on her back and she failed to get up, like a turtle. She quickly fell asleep, and with that Luna, Ginny and Pansy began to cuddle her.


	3. Ron's favourite part.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ron's Favorite Part.

Penis. The penis, the goddamn penis.


	4. The cock was shown to me in a time of great pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have heard the future.

Hermione looked quickly at the bottom of the professor McGonagall. Onions make Dumbledore horny. Ron muttered, " … we are going to kill yeh, the ministry would want anyone else to eat my kettle! hahaha! " Your mother was a bastard, Jericho. Harry felt slightly squashed, never had any of his bullshit friends bore witness to such a horrible Harry based crime. She whispered something extremely Ron, "Infirmary? Yeah … we don’t need to go to the Infirmary, my mother used to see the future in the eyes of Hogwarts champions. " Hermione raised her eyebrows coldly, indifferently. The action made her want to do enough coke to kill a fucking horse. Ordinary people like the feeling of lotion on their hands, Hermione and Ginny, on the other hand, enjoy the feeling of lotion on that bit of skin on the back of the human knee. ONLY ON THE BACK OF THE KNEE. And Aberforth helps the poor, stupid fool that doesn't understand to put the lotion on the back of the knee. Infirmary? Yeah … we don’t need to go to the Infirmary, my mother used to see the future in the eyes of Hogwarts champions. What does Ben Grimm's penis look like? is it a solid rock dick? is it even there at all? what the fuck does it look like? how does he have sex? does he even want to have sex? is the Thing asexual? Squib bastard! I want your cock! Give me your fucking cock you bastard! Flickering quality quidditch supplies in the candlelight. It makes me so damn wet, it makes me so goddamn wet. Ron added broodingly, "Folk don’t know about the instructions Mr. Injuries gave to the ministry hospital officials. " "You're FUCKED! ", screamed the creepy gargoyle Trumpet. I say again, I'm quite fond of watching Death punch Dream.


	5. Loving the lovegood in you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ron's magick cock.

Harry stared fixedly at a large clump of parchment tied to his penis. Dumbledore said to Uncle Hooch, "Harry is a bastard. son of Satan. " graveyard penis. Owl raised her voice echoing loudly around town as Ron's penis sprayed magic all over the pillows, disgusting his sister Ginny and the ghost of his dead ass brother, Fred. Mrs. Hermione looked rather frightened at the end of the kitchen table with a glass of pumpkin staircase that she would later find to be a most disgusting cocktail. Luna loves Ginny, there was no question about it, if there was on a good thing to come from this freaky geeky timeline it's the fact that Luna could shout on top of the rooftops of Hogsmeade and tell the whole world that she loves Ginny Weasley, or as she would later be known, Ginny Lovegood. And love good they both did as often as they could. Swooshing in midair was a gorilla made of professor McGonagall's luscious leg hair. which was said to be so luscious that it put Lucius Malfoy to shame. she chased after it with her grandpa's shotgun and kept screaming, "ye damb ape, let me have m'hair. " January Penis. -man’s he could hear laughter in front of Dudley's once great yellow liquid. it was Professor Trelawney drinking lemon flavoured piss. Harry muttered frantically to his knees in the grass " She's a mad bitch, knees. " The knees said nothing, because they're fucking knees, and Harry is a magic man. Centaurs smartly howled in agreement as they began to fuck each other harder than Hagrid's rock cakes. It was a lime, Finnigan. They love limes. "You don’t go down on me anymore, " yelled Flitwick at one of the house elves as he lazily jerked his goblin penis over a plate of mayonnaise.


	6. The Penis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Penis.

TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT HHH HHH EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE  
TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT HHH HHH EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE  
TTTTTTTTTTT HHH HHH EEE  
TTTTTTTTTTT HHH HHH EEE  
TTTTTTTTTTT HHH HHH EEE  
TTTTTTTTTTT HHHHHHHHHHHHH EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE  
TTTTTTTTTTT HHHHHHHHHHHHH EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE  
TTTTTTTTTTT HHH HHH EEE  
TTTTTTTTTTT HHH HHH EEE  
TTTTTTTTTTT HHH HHH EEE  
TTTTTTTTTTT HHH HHH EEE  
TTTTTTTTTTT HHH HHH EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE  
TTTTTTTTTTT HHH HHH EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

 

PPP PPPPPPPPPPPPPP EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE NN NN IIII SSSSSSSSSSS  
PPPPP PP EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE NNNNN NN IIII SSSSSSSSSSSSSSS  
PPP PP EE NN NN NN IIII SS SS  
PPP PP EE NN NN NN IIII SS  
PPPP PP EE NN NN NN IIII SS  
PPP PPPPPPPPPPPPPPP EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE NN NN NN IIII SS  
PPP EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE NN NN NN IIII SS  
PPP EE NN NN NN IIII SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS  
PPP EE NN NN NN IIII SS  
PPP EE NN NN NN IIII SS  
PPP EE NN NN NN IIII SS SS  
PPP EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE NN NNNN IIII SS SS  
PPP EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE NN NNN IIII SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS  
PPP  
PPP


End file.
